Hello. Some people may have noticed that there has been a slight gap between this post and my last one. Around a year or so. In which case I thought it might be best to explain why, in case I came across as inconsistant or lazy. I also thought that the reasons migth be of help to anyone else who's going (or has gone) through a battle against Depression, Anxiety and a general lack of self-confidence with their work.

In a nut shell, I was doing some CBT (cognative behavioural therapy) which was bringing up issues and feelings that I was having trouble getting past and as the months wore on I was getting more and more frustrated. Things had been going well but I couldn't seem to move beyond a certain point. I knew what was being said and what I needed to do but my brain, sponge as it is, didn't want to take on board what I was learning even though I was getting the concept. Eventually I had what you might call a mini-breakdown (or meltdown, relapse or 'muppet related incident') Not like a full breakdown which I had back in 2000 because I could still think for myself, but only just. Anyhoo,  after breaking down in front of anyone I talked too for the next few days, I was eventually put on Diazepam and Anti-Depressants and spent most of the summer in a pleasnt haze not thinking much about anything. Then it came time to start coming off them before they became adictive and that took several months and wasn't easy. When I finally came off the Diazepam (aka Valium) I came down with protracted withdrawal symptoms which lasted another month or so. So due to one thing or another I spent the last year not producing any art and trying to recover mentally. It was very frustrating having to take more time out but there wasn't a lot I could do.

However, this was actually a good thing. Honestly! Because up till now I had always gone on the assumption that the Anxiety I suffered when I was a teen had developed into Depression. What I discovered was the Depression was a symptom of Anxiety and that they were both there. And further more, I wasn't going to be able to deal with the Depression until I'd dealt with the Anxiety and that's why nothing was sticking. I was too stressed and too mentally tired. This was a massive eye opener to me and when I started researching and doing things to cope with that everything else started, slowly, to get better.

What helped me get through this were some very supportive and wise people and some books which I strongly recomend to anyone who is suffering from Anxiety and Depression. They've helped me slow down, change diet and habbits and understand what is normal in regard to personality and biology. Which chemicals may not be being naturally produced by your body such as Seratonin and Beta-endorphins, why you have to maintain blood sugar levels and why there are some aspects of
you whole make up that you should embrace instead of trying to change. The titles are listed below;


SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES by Dr Claire Weeks
Isbn - 978-0-7225-3155-6

COPING WITH A STRESSED NERVOUS SYSTEM - Autnomic Overload Explained by Dr Kenneth Hambly and Alice Muir
Isbn - 0-85969-946-3

OVERCOMING SHYNESS AND SOCIAL ANXIETY by Ruth Searle
Isbn - 978-1-84709-032-4


Good luck if you are trying to sort yourself out and if you try any of these books then I hope they are as useful for you as they were for me :)